For the past week I have been getting back to a normal schedule after Carrie's passing and my surgery. I can't stop thinking about her though...which I know is normal. I know all about the 5 stages of grieving and all that. I don't question how I feel...I just let myself feel it...ok that is not true...I do question it. I question it because sometimes it makes me feel guilty.
I met Carrie when I was 9 years old. We grew up together and our families were close. My mom considered Carrie a second daughter and always had a special relationship with her brother John. Our mom's were very close friends. I always looked up to her sister when we were growing up and I loved her dad. Carrie and her dad were like two peas in a pod. I even remember spending time with her Grandma when she was here. I can remember picking her up to take her to lunch with my mom and grandma. We would hang out with Carrie's grandma even when her family wasn't with us. Our grandma's were friends. I don't remember a time being in Sierra Vista that the Myers family wasn't in my life. I remember when Carrie would worry about her dad. I remember when her dad passed away and I know that it still affected Carrie deeply through her adulthood. I learned about Marfans from Carrie and her dad. I always took for granted that I knew about the disease because of my connection to her. The truth is that I didn't. I just knew what I saw in Carrie. It wasn't until she ended up in Houston that I went onto a Marfans support group on Facebook and realized all the treatments and preventative stuff they do for people with Marfans.
I was by Carrie's side after her first surgery and in 2009 and made many trips to Tucson to see her or take her to the Dr. I even went on a couple of follow ups with her. I saw her going to the Dr. and saw her get better. It took her a year to get better, but after that her energy came back and she told everyone she was better. I watched her thrive and it didn't occur to me that she needed to go to the Dr. regularly or when it did I just assumed that she would take care of herself. Also, Carrie was fiercely stubborn and independent - no one could make her do anything she didn't want to. Going to the Dr. was not something that anyone could make her do.
I have been dwelling on the what ifs and the why's. What if I had researched sooner, why didn't Carrie talk more about it, what if I had pushed her more to go to the Dr., why did she live in denial? I have been mad at her for leaving all of us like this. I have been mad at myself for not paying more attention. I have been questioning so many things. In the end I know that none of the answers matter now and that this is just a part of grieving. Carrie lived her life on her terms and she accomplished so many of her goals. She was fiercely loyal and there is no way to fully encapsulate in words how generous, kind, and loving she was. I miss her like crazy. She was my closest friend outside of my family. I loved her and will always love her. I have a so many memories that wouldn't be complete without her.
I am going to stay in touch with her family and I am going to do whatever I can to help Will stay healthy. I know that everyone that was close to Carrie has that thought in their head. I wish that I could do more for him. He lost his mom and that is irreplaceable...it is so unfair. I console myself with the Christian thoughts that I have. I think that Carrie is at peace and with God now, however, it tests my faith. Am I thinking that because it helps me feel better about losing her or do I truly believe that. I did the same thing when I lost my dad. I had a pastor who told me that our faith should be tested and that it's a good thing to question it. God does not truly want us to be led blindly and that the crazy fundamentals out there would have you think different. (He did not use the term crazy fundamentals, but I know that's who he was referring too.) We wouldn't be human if we didn't question. I suppose I am just trying to find something to make me feel better, but I don't think that will happen for awhile. I will let myself grieve...and in the meantime I wanted to share Carrie's life in my own words...
Carrie was born and raised in Sierra Vista, AZ. She attended Bella Vista Elementary School, Sierra Vista Middle School, and Buena High School. She graduated in 1990. While growing up she achieved many accomplishments. She loved working on the yearbook staff at school and did that thru her Senior year. She loved Rainbow. At the age of 12 she was initiated into the International Order of the Rainbow for Girls. She worked her way up through the offices and on May 9, 1987 she was installed as Worthy Advisor of our local Assembly, Sunrise #39. After that Carrie was appointed to Grand Offices on the state level. She was Grand Christian Flag Bearer, Grand Immortality, Grand Charity, and Chairman of the Jr. Grand Executive Committee. Her favorite office and the one she cherished most was that of Grand Charity. Carrie worked babysitting through middle school and high school and worked at Fran Richey insurance at the end of high school. She worked very hard to be able to pay for all the traveling expenses that came with her Rainbow responsibilities. Carrie met Eric Stubbs in Sierra Vista after high school and they had a son, Will, in December 1992. They were married and Eric joined the Air Force. They were stationed at Nellis Air Force Base in Las Vegas. Carrie lived there until they separated after 15 years and she and Will moved back to Sierra Vista. Carrie always loved going to back to Vegas. Upon moving back to Sierra Vista Carrie became friends with Martha and Kathy. The three of them had standing Friday night plans for years. Martha and Kathy would become her supporters when she was having a hard time and would also be her biggest advocates. They were the 3 Musketeers and I know they gave Carrie back a sense of self confidence that she had lost after her separation from her husband and subsequent divorce. Carrie worked for Armed Forces Bank and worked her way up. She was a personal banker on Ft. Huachuca and then was promoted to Assistant Branch Manager. Carrie's goal was to make it to Branch Manager, which she did in Dec. 2014. At the same time that she was working towards a job promotion, she was also working on another goal. That goal was to help re-open the Rainbow Assembly that had been so important to her growing up. She also achieved that goal in December 2014. Carrie was also active in her local Eastern Star Chapter and was holding the office of Conductress at Electa #51 in Sierra Vista. Carrie belonged to Sierra Vista United Methodist Church and loved her church family there, some of whom had known Carrie her entire life. Carrie's heart was 100% her son Will and everyone who knew Carrie could see that instantly. In all aspects of Carrie's life she made life long friends. She was the greatest friend and her love touched so many. From school, to the neighborhood growing up, Rainbow, Eastern Star, Church, Work, and her personal life, Carrie had hundreds of friends that all remember the same genuinely loyal, kind, and loving friend that she was! She will be missed by many and loved always!!!!
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