You don't have to dig far to guess what this blog post is going to be about. All over the news and social media are the discussions regarding Brett Kavanaugh and Christine Blasey Ford. I don't know what the outcome of this will be for either Kavanaugh or Ford, but that's not what I am as concerned about. What I am concerned about are the conversations that this topic has started. Conversations that bring up past events for many women that were detrimental in their lives. Conversations that parents realize could deeply affect their son's and daughter's. The statements being made by these powerful men that lend itself to the "boys will be boys" mentality is not ok. As a society we should be teaching our son's and daughter's different lessons.
We've all heard and repeated the mantra of "No means No" for years...but apparently that has just been a mantle piece for people to look at and feel good about. I guess it makes them feel like they are doing their part against rape by repeating that mantra. All the while, they have allowed their son's to grow up and degrade women and allowed their daughter's to take the blame for these men's shameful actions. They throw out statements like, "...she should have known better..." and "...she shouldn't have worn that...", etc... Righteous women take the sides of perpetrators by blaming immoral women. What kind of message are you sending to your sons when you say it's ok to rape a girl if she's not up to your moral standards. The girls are labeled sluts and the boys play themselves off as victims of these rampant She-Harlots. Like these girls are some mythological creature sent in to ruin their reputations as upstanding good little boys. Please spare me...the righteous and the wicked often walk hand in hand. Our society allows the upstanding righteous boys to pray upon girls that are looked at as damaged goods. Girls who should just feel lucky that a boy like that even payed attention to her.
When I was 15, my sophomore year I was raped. It was date rape and at the time I knew that I was not ok with what happened, but I didn't know it was rape. Please do not misconstrue this...it was 100% rape. I was so brain washed then that I believed that if you put yourself in a situation and you say NO...and it happens anyway it's not rape because you didn't fight back or because you chose to be there with this person.
At that point in my life I was not a virgin...I had had sex exactly two times in my life prior to this. Both times I was intoxicated and even as a drunk teenager I knew that I had 100% consented to what took place those two times. I was that girl who was damaged goods. My self esteem was low and I definitely had issues. Anyone who is 15 and a binge drinker has issues. That is not normal teenage behavior...no matter what anyone says. I checked all the boxes when it comes to a girl who would be blamed for being raped. I lost my virginity when I was young & drunk, I didn't have self esteem, my family was not well off, I was nerdy and not super popular. All the things that are used against women as reasons why they would be promiscuous and if your are promiscuous it's not rape. Just like a husband can't rape his wife.
My friend and I had been dropped off at the movie theater and decided to walk up to the bowling alley. There was nothing really going on at the bowling alley and we started to walk back to the theater. A car pulls up next to us that I recognize and two guys ask us if we want to hang out. I recognized the driver. He and his friend were seniors. We said sure and got in. I was thinking we were going to go to a party. We end up back at his house and there's no one else there. They make us two drinks - that we didn't really drink. Essentially, my friend and I are sitting in this house bored and we want to go back to the theater. The driver does the whole I want to show you something and leads me to the bedroom. We sit down and he starts kissing me and I am not comfortable and I tell him no I don't want to do this. He gives me the whole, "It's ok...I really like you" speech. I tell him no and that I can't because I'm no my period and I have a tampon in. He says, "that's ok, we can take care of that." He walks me to the bathroom and I mean he has hold of me by the arm and goes into the bathroom with me and tells me to take it out. I didn't realize it at the time, but my friend was in the living room and saw him walk me to the bathroom. She knows that something isn't right. I am walked back into the bedroom and he pushes me onto the floor. He is on top of me and his friend knocks on the door and he tells him to go away. His friend knocks again and says is everything ok - I yelled out that I wanted to go back to the living room. His friend opens the door and sees this guy on top of me and I am telling this guy that I want to get up and go back with my friend, that we need to go back to the movie theater where my friend's mom is picking us up. His friend says his name and tells him to let me up. He tells him that it looks like I don't want to be there. This guy says, "She's ok, everything is fine." He then looks at me and says, "tell him everything is fine..." and I do. I tell his friend it's ok and his friend shuts the door and leaves. And then I just lay on the floor until it's over and I get up and we leave and we get dropped back off at the movie theater. When I walked back out into the living room my friend looked at my face and she looked like she was going to be sick. When we were waiting for her mom she asked me if I was ok. She told me that I looked panicked when he took me to the bathroom and I had looked at her like, help me. I didn't even realize that I had done that. She was the one who told the other guy to go check on me. And she said that she had started kissing him but said she didn't want to do this and he said ok and stopped. I remember thinking that I wished his friend had stopped. I told her I was ok and that everything was fine. I felt bad for her. I didn't want to burden my best friend more...so I played it off to her.
It was a messed up situation. My friend wasn't sure what had happened, I wasn't sure what had happened, but his friend sure as hell knew. And it wasn't until his friend started calling my house asking if I was ok and if I had told anyone what had happened that I realized that he knew what his friend had done was wrong. I don't know if his friend was having him call because he was worried I was going to say something. This guy was 18 years old already. But his friend definitely told me he was sorry and I told him he had to stop calling my house. I knew that I did not want to have sex with this guy and I knew that I had said No. But because I said I was ok when his friend was in the room I thought that I hadn't been raped. I said I was ok because this guy, who was scaring me, was on top of me and he told me to say I was ok. I was 15 fucking years old...I was at a house I wasn't supposed to be at. I didn't think I had any options. I was a train wreck and he totally preyed upon that. He knew that I had to get back to the theater because we had told our parents we were going to a movie and instead we went to this house because we thought there was going to be a party. Instead I was raped. He knew I wasn't going to say anything and get me or my friend in trouble. And that is how a young girl who is doing something wrong looks at it. I was not where I was supposed to be. I was breaking the rules so I can't say anything.
Once I came to the full realization of what had happened...that I was raped, I blamed myself. I shouldn't have been there. I should not have said I was ok. Everyone else in that house knew something wasn't right so I should have spoke up more. I should have said something. I should have fought back or kicked him. I shouldn't have let him take me to the bathroom. I should have walked into the living room instead of the bathroom. I should never have gotten into that car. I listed a thousand things that I should or shouldn't have done. And you know what I never thought...I never thought about what he should or shouldn't have done! That's how conditioned girls were back then. That's how warped my thinking was. I never considered that he shouldn't have asked me to get in the car. I never considered that he shouldn't have asked me to his bedroom. I never considered that he should have stopped when I said NO. I never considered that he shouldn't have taken me to the bathroom. I never considered that he should have listened to his friend. I never considered that he shouldn't have raped me!
Boys will be boys, is not ok! Boys will be boys, is not a justifiable excuse for rape!
After that the train wreck of a young girl that I was already starting to be just spiraled out of control. I was a black out drinker and everything negative that I thought about myself was just solidified by that one night. It was date rape. I didn't even fully understand what Date Rape was then. I didn't get it...I didn't know that I had been a victim of Date Rape. I literally remember watching one of those cheesy after school special type of movies or maybe it was Lifetime and realizing that was what happened to me when I was 15.
It took a few more years before I realized that this was the catalyst that sent me down a dark path. I didn't realize that when you have no self respect that your decisions just become more rash and self destructive. I didn't like myself and it showed. Granted there was some major dysfunction happening before all this, but unfortunately it's that dysfunction that leads to girls not speaking up because you are already looked at badly or already have horrible self esteem issues. It's not just the dysfunctional girls that run into road blocks either. It's the same thinking for the girls who are seen as being to smart or to popular to be date raped. There are so many girls who have never spoken up because this isn't something that is supposed to happen to them. It doesn't fit into the narrative that people have given them.
Our society puts all these labels and expectations on girls that lead to them being silent when they should be screaming from the rafters!! Don't silence your daughters...give them a voice and let them be heard!!! Educate your son's and teach them that respect isn't just a word, it is a way of life.
I am using my voice now because I was the victim of Date Rape and Date Rape is Rape!!
Saturday, September 22, 2018
Friday, February 9, 2018
Birth
I want to share my life story, because I feel like it would be healing and cathartic. I also feel like it would give me closure to the first 35 years of my life...which were night and day compared to the last 10 years of my life. When I think back to my teens and 20's...even early 30's it feels like somebody else's life. A few months ago my son told me that I should be sharing what I've been through and I am taking what he said to heart. I also enjoy writing about about social, political and religious topics. Our life experiences are a direct correlation to how we feel about these type of issues. I am going to combine the two.
I think a progressive timeline of my life will help me get a good start on things...so here we go with Part I - Birth
1972 - I was born approximately August 12, 1972. I was found on a street in Hannam-Dong II, Yongsan Gu, Seoul Korea. I was left near a police station and according to my social history reports it seems I was left in plain sight to be found. I have done my own research and Yongsan Gu is where the US Garrison is located in Seoul and Hannam-Dong is where the Embassy's are and is described as a nice area in Seoul. I am not sure what the area was like in the early 70's, but have often thought that perhaps I was left in that area because it was where the US Army was. Many Korean orphans have been adopted by US Military Families since the late 50's...and there were a great many of us adopted during the 70's and early 80's.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yongsan_Garrison
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hannam-dong
My birth date was estimated based on the condition of my umbilical cord, which hadn't fallen off yet, when I was found. They say I was born within a week of August 12. I was taken from the police station to the City Baby Home in Seoul. The City Baby Home was an orphanage run by Holt International in Seoul. Holt International is an adoption agency started by the Holt's after the Korean War.
http://holtkorea.blogspot.ch/2010/06/visit-to-city-baby-home.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holt_International_Children%27s_Services
I have met many other Holt Adoptees in my life...some in person and thanks to Social Media, many online. Our end stories all are different (and very similar all at the same time) but the beginning of many Korean Adoptees (KADs) started out the same with a birth story and at some point ending up in an orphanage. I was what I call a "basket baby". A baby left to be found. You remember the episode of MASH where they find the baby and take it and leave it with the nuns. They put the baby basket in the little lazy susan door and turn it and ring the bell...that is where I came up with "basket baby". I was a little kid when I saw that episode and it affected me deeply. I thought I was like that baby. When you are young and you know you are adopted but have zero reference and no understanding of what, when, why or how regarding your birth parents, life in Korea or adoption you try to create your own story and mine started when watching MASH. The difference was that baby was AmeriAsian...I was not. I was Korean - no caucasion and I've since had a DNA test to verify that...which is a whole different topic.
http://mash.wikia.com/wiki/Yessir,_That%E2%80%99s_Our_Baby_(TV_series_episode)
I was given a name and a number. My profile picture for Blogger is that picture. I call it my baby mug shot. If a baby is left with no family information they are given a name and traditionally each baby's surname is the same as the director of the Orphanage. I was given the name Kim Shin-Hee. In Korea, as it is in many Asian countries the Sur Name is pronounced first. And I have since learned that the director of the City Baby Home in Seoul in 1972 was named Kim. I was fortunate to be abandoned in the 70's.
South Korean policy on Domestic & International Adoption has changed drastically over the years. Before I jump into the politics of Korean Adoption let me give a little background on Korean Culture. Like many Asian Cultures, family is the main focus. While the country may be growing and modernizing, much of the traditional way of thinking persists. When I researched why South Korean's orphan children here are some of the reasons that I learned about:
Traditionally it is bad luck to have twins. For many years the younger twin was given away or sometimes both. Many families lived in multi generational homes and the older generation of family members would insist that the family follow tradition.
South Korea still condemns single mothers. It is an absolute social taboo to be a single mother and the country does not offer any type of work around for it. It is even worse now with new regulations. This is a country where every birth is Nationally Registered and being registered as a single mother leaves women with less employment opportunities, marriage opportunities, etc...
South Korea has poverty just like other socialized countries. Many families consider if they can actually afford to keep another child or if something happens to the male of the household the mother's realize they cannot afford to take care of all their children economically and give them up. Sometimes they would just give up one. Usually the youngest. I have read so many adoption stories that are about children whose mother's dressed them up and took them on a trip, just to leave them at a train station or like me, near a police station.
I have my own theories about abandonment as well. People often forget how racist Asian Countries are and having a mixed baby is also taboo. (On a side note - I have been chastised by people before for calling Asian's racist, however, I am using the word in the true definition of showing discrimination or prejudice to others based on race.) Just as in the MASH episode, children that are Korean American in South Korea are subject to ridicule and outcast. Also - traditionally Japan and Korea are enemies. The lasting effects of how Imperial Japan treated Koreans is still very raw. When I got my DNA results back I found out that I was actually a full quarter Japanese and only 50% Korean. I am also 13% Chinese. I was not surprised...as Asians have been warring and conquering each other for ages. What this told me though was that one of my parents was 1/2 Japanese and that one of my grandparents or great-grandparents was 100% Japanese. The timeline for that to have been during WWII and when Imperial Japan had enslaved Korea and taken Korean Women as "Comfort Women" was right on the mark. In my mind I can see how a traditional family would not want to have children that were a reminder of the enslavement and rape of so many women.
https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/for-adopted-koreans-a-dna-test-can-be-a-shortcut-to-birth-families/
I don't believe that I was at the City Baby Home for a long time. I was immediately placed for adoption and I was put in a Foster Home. I don't know a great deal about the South Korean Foster Care, but I do know that Foster Mother's are generally associated with a specific Adoption Agency. In many of the adoptee stories that I have read, many people who go on a birth trip may not always reunite with their birth families, but often are reunited with their Foster Mother's. I have seen some of these meetings on blog posts and they are amazing. The Foster Mother's in South Korea take a great pride in the children that they have helped and cared for along the way. Many of them still have all the pictures of the babies that passed through their homes. Even my own journey was touched by a Foster Mother. My parents started coming to Seoul to visit me when I was 4 months old. My parents were stationed in Okinawa, Japan at the time. Beside my baby mug shot one of the only other pictures I have from Korea is of me and my birth mother. My adoption was finalized when I was 7 months old and my dad picked me up and took me to Japan.
My mom was never able to have children. My dad was in the Army and before Japan they were stationed at Ft. Ord, CA. They wanted to adopt but when they looked into it in CA they were told they would have to be residents for 5 years before being able to apply. Well my dad was in the Army and he knew he was going to be reassigned in two years. At that point my parents started looking into International Adoption. Once they knew they were going to be in Japan it was easy for them to apply. By the 70's Holt Adoption was well established and the process was pretty streamlined compared to the United States. I am grateful for my life and my family. My parents made me aware that I was adopted from the time I was little. I always joke that it was very apparent...my dad was a red headed Irish guy and my mom is 1/2 Sicilian...it wasn't like they could hide it. I was fortunate that it was topic that could be talked about in my home. It wasn't until I was older that I learned more about my social history...my parents didn't tell me I was actually abandoned until I was in my teens. I just grew up knowing that there was no way to ever find out who my birth parents where and I was resigned to that.
Again, I did have my own scenarios that I would go through. The biggest one was that I have a twin somewhere. The funny thing is that it wasn't until I was in my late 20's and had started actually researching South Korean and KAD's that I learned about the twin taboo. I thought all this time I was thinking it was a silly kid fantasy and it could actually be true. The truth is that I really don't have a shot in hell of finding anything out about my birth parents. I was abandoned in the 70's and back then you could still be adopted if you were abandoned. These days adoption in South Korea is very different and the effects are sad.
Any child that is born and not registered is not eligible for adoption or any other services offered by the South Korean government. I say that because if a single woman has a baby and doesn't want to register the birth because of the stigma it will cause, she also forfeits any of the socialized benefits that her child would receive. The downfall is that even if you want to give your baby up for adoption it has to be recorded. It is recorded that you had a child out of wed-lock and gave it away. The South Korean Government wanted to implement this to help people find their birth families, however, it has had a very negative effect. Women don't want to register this way. In South Korean society a single woman who has given up a baby is not marriage material and often not employment material. The flip side is a single woman who has kept her baby is not marriage material and often not employment material.
https://www.npr.org/sections/parallels/2015/05/11/405622494/south-koreas-single-moms-struggle-to-remove-a-social-stigma
This has led to many orphans being abandoned as I was...just on the street. They are taken in but because there are no birth or family records they are not eligible for adoption in South Korea now. The Institutions are filled with these children. Domestic Adoption has also always been a social stigma. Many people who adopt domestically hide it. South Korean families that adopt often do not tell anyone that they have adopted their child. They do not even tell their own child because they don't want them to outcast. More recently South Korea decided that the amount of children that had been adopted out Internationally was shameful for the country and have tried to push domestic adoption more and have limited the number of International Adoptions. I find this quite troubling as they push this agenda they are not actively changing the traditional thinking that has caused the issues of child abandonment in the first place.
I watched a documentary called "The Drop Box" about this South Korean pastor who has something similar to the drop box in MASH that women can leave their babies in. It is unfortunate that documentary was created and funded by Fundamental Right to Lifers and is used as wing nut propaganda. (I won't share the actual link to the movie because it takes you to a very propagandized site but you can watch the movie on Netflix with no propaganda) I take a completely different perspective away from the film. To me this shows how the South Korean Gov't policy change is affecting the orphans and mothers. Many women were abandoning their babies before the policy change, the difference is those babies (including me) were able to be adopted. Now they are not. The people who believe that birth records and registration is more vital to an infant than the chance to be raised by a loving family are wrong. It is sad that the because a minority group of people decided to speak out against the number of International Adoptions coming out of South Korea thousands of children are now destined to be institutionalized and outcast for their entire childhood. They will not progress in the South Korean society either when they are adults because they have no family record or registration.
https://www.sbs.com.au/news/opinion-divided-on-the-merits-of-south-korean-pastor-s-baby-box
https://www.sbs.com.au/news/opinion-divided-on-the-merits-of-south-korean-pastor-s-baby-box
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-30692127
My own experience as an adoptee from South Korea has left me with very strong feelings on this. It is this type of examination of my life and the how it has shaped how I see things that I would like to continue to write about. My next entry will be about the first 5 years of my life. I know you are excited...
I think a progressive timeline of my life will help me get a good start on things...so here we go with Part I - Birth
1972 - I was born approximately August 12, 1972. I was found on a street in Hannam-Dong II, Yongsan Gu, Seoul Korea. I was left near a police station and according to my social history reports it seems I was left in plain sight to be found. I have done my own research and Yongsan Gu is where the US Garrison is located in Seoul and Hannam-Dong is where the Embassy's are and is described as a nice area in Seoul. I am not sure what the area was like in the early 70's, but have often thought that perhaps I was left in that area because it was where the US Army was. Many Korean orphans have been adopted by US Military Families since the late 50's...and there were a great many of us adopted during the 70's and early 80's.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yongsan_Garrison
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hannam-dong
My birth date was estimated based on the condition of my umbilical cord, which hadn't fallen off yet, when I was found. They say I was born within a week of August 12. I was taken from the police station to the City Baby Home in Seoul. The City Baby Home was an orphanage run by Holt International in Seoul. Holt International is an adoption agency started by the Holt's after the Korean War.
http://holtkorea.blogspot.ch/2010/06/visit-to-city-baby-home.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holt_International_Children%27s_Services
I have met many other Holt Adoptees in my life...some in person and thanks to Social Media, many online. Our end stories all are different (and very similar all at the same time) but the beginning of many Korean Adoptees (KADs) started out the same with a birth story and at some point ending up in an orphanage. I was what I call a "basket baby". A baby left to be found. You remember the episode of MASH where they find the baby and take it and leave it with the nuns. They put the baby basket in the little lazy susan door and turn it and ring the bell...that is where I came up with "basket baby". I was a little kid when I saw that episode and it affected me deeply. I thought I was like that baby. When you are young and you know you are adopted but have zero reference and no understanding of what, when, why or how regarding your birth parents, life in Korea or adoption you try to create your own story and mine started when watching MASH. The difference was that baby was AmeriAsian...I was not. I was Korean - no caucasion and I've since had a DNA test to verify that...which is a whole different topic.
http://mash.wikia.com/wiki/Yessir,_That%E2%80%99s_Our_Baby_(TV_series_episode)
I was given a name and a number. My profile picture for Blogger is that picture. I call it my baby mug shot. If a baby is left with no family information they are given a name and traditionally each baby's surname is the same as the director of the Orphanage. I was given the name Kim Shin-Hee. In Korea, as it is in many Asian countries the Sur Name is pronounced first. And I have since learned that the director of the City Baby Home in Seoul in 1972 was named Kim. I was fortunate to be abandoned in the 70's.
South Korean policy on Domestic & International Adoption has changed drastically over the years. Before I jump into the politics of Korean Adoption let me give a little background on Korean Culture. Like many Asian Cultures, family is the main focus. While the country may be growing and modernizing, much of the traditional way of thinking persists. When I researched why South Korean's orphan children here are some of the reasons that I learned about:
Traditionally it is bad luck to have twins. For many years the younger twin was given away or sometimes both. Many families lived in multi generational homes and the older generation of family members would insist that the family follow tradition.
South Korea still condemns single mothers. It is an absolute social taboo to be a single mother and the country does not offer any type of work around for it. It is even worse now with new regulations. This is a country where every birth is Nationally Registered and being registered as a single mother leaves women with less employment opportunities, marriage opportunities, etc...
South Korea has poverty just like other socialized countries. Many families consider if they can actually afford to keep another child or if something happens to the male of the household the mother's realize they cannot afford to take care of all their children economically and give them up. Sometimes they would just give up one. Usually the youngest. I have read so many adoption stories that are about children whose mother's dressed them up and took them on a trip, just to leave them at a train station or like me, near a police station.
I have my own theories about abandonment as well. People often forget how racist Asian Countries are and having a mixed baby is also taboo. (On a side note - I have been chastised by people before for calling Asian's racist, however, I am using the word in the true definition of showing discrimination or prejudice to others based on race.) Just as in the MASH episode, children that are Korean American in South Korea are subject to ridicule and outcast. Also - traditionally Japan and Korea are enemies. The lasting effects of how Imperial Japan treated Koreans is still very raw. When I got my DNA results back I found out that I was actually a full quarter Japanese and only 50% Korean. I am also 13% Chinese. I was not surprised...as Asians have been warring and conquering each other for ages. What this told me though was that one of my parents was 1/2 Japanese and that one of my grandparents or great-grandparents was 100% Japanese. The timeline for that to have been during WWII and when Imperial Japan had enslaved Korea and taken Korean Women as "Comfort Women" was right on the mark. In my mind I can see how a traditional family would not want to have children that were a reminder of the enslavement and rape of so many women.
https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/for-adopted-koreans-a-dna-test-can-be-a-shortcut-to-birth-families/
I don't believe that I was at the City Baby Home for a long time. I was immediately placed for adoption and I was put in a Foster Home. I don't know a great deal about the South Korean Foster Care, but I do know that Foster Mother's are generally associated with a specific Adoption Agency. In many of the adoptee stories that I have read, many people who go on a birth trip may not always reunite with their birth families, but often are reunited with their Foster Mother's. I have seen some of these meetings on blog posts and they are amazing. The Foster Mother's in South Korea take a great pride in the children that they have helped and cared for along the way. Many of them still have all the pictures of the babies that passed through their homes. Even my own journey was touched by a Foster Mother. My parents started coming to Seoul to visit me when I was 4 months old. My parents were stationed in Okinawa, Japan at the time. Beside my baby mug shot one of the only other pictures I have from Korea is of me and my birth mother. My adoption was finalized when I was 7 months old and my dad picked me up and took me to Japan.
My mom was never able to have children. My dad was in the Army and before Japan they were stationed at Ft. Ord, CA. They wanted to adopt but when they looked into it in CA they were told they would have to be residents for 5 years before being able to apply. Well my dad was in the Army and he knew he was going to be reassigned in two years. At that point my parents started looking into International Adoption. Once they knew they were going to be in Japan it was easy for them to apply. By the 70's Holt Adoption was well established and the process was pretty streamlined compared to the United States. I am grateful for my life and my family. My parents made me aware that I was adopted from the time I was little. I always joke that it was very apparent...my dad was a red headed Irish guy and my mom is 1/2 Sicilian...it wasn't like they could hide it. I was fortunate that it was topic that could be talked about in my home. It wasn't until I was older that I learned more about my social history...my parents didn't tell me I was actually abandoned until I was in my teens. I just grew up knowing that there was no way to ever find out who my birth parents where and I was resigned to that.
Again, I did have my own scenarios that I would go through. The biggest one was that I have a twin somewhere. The funny thing is that it wasn't until I was in my late 20's and had started actually researching South Korean and KAD's that I learned about the twin taboo. I thought all this time I was thinking it was a silly kid fantasy and it could actually be true. The truth is that I really don't have a shot in hell of finding anything out about my birth parents. I was abandoned in the 70's and back then you could still be adopted if you were abandoned. These days adoption in South Korea is very different and the effects are sad.
Any child that is born and not registered is not eligible for adoption or any other services offered by the South Korean government. I say that because if a single woman has a baby and doesn't want to register the birth because of the stigma it will cause, she also forfeits any of the socialized benefits that her child would receive. The downfall is that even if you want to give your baby up for adoption it has to be recorded. It is recorded that you had a child out of wed-lock and gave it away. The South Korean Government wanted to implement this to help people find their birth families, however, it has had a very negative effect. Women don't want to register this way. In South Korean society a single woman who has given up a baby is not marriage material and often not employment material. The flip side is a single woman who has kept her baby is not marriage material and often not employment material.
https://www.npr.org/sections/parallels/2015/05/11/405622494/south-koreas-single-moms-struggle-to-remove-a-social-stigma
This has led to many orphans being abandoned as I was...just on the street. They are taken in but because there are no birth or family records they are not eligible for adoption in South Korea now. The Institutions are filled with these children. Domestic Adoption has also always been a social stigma. Many people who adopt domestically hide it. South Korean families that adopt often do not tell anyone that they have adopted their child. They do not even tell their own child because they don't want them to outcast. More recently South Korea decided that the amount of children that had been adopted out Internationally was shameful for the country and have tried to push domestic adoption more and have limited the number of International Adoptions. I find this quite troubling as they push this agenda they are not actively changing the traditional thinking that has caused the issues of child abandonment in the first place.
I watched a documentary called "The Drop Box" about this South Korean pastor who has something similar to the drop box in MASH that women can leave their babies in. It is unfortunate that documentary was created and funded by Fundamental Right to Lifers and is used as wing nut propaganda. (I won't share the actual link to the movie because it takes you to a very propagandized site but you can watch the movie on Netflix with no propaganda) I take a completely different perspective away from the film. To me this shows how the South Korean Gov't policy change is affecting the orphans and mothers. Many women were abandoning their babies before the policy change, the difference is those babies (including me) were able to be adopted. Now they are not. The people who believe that birth records and registration is more vital to an infant than the chance to be raised by a loving family are wrong. It is sad that the because a minority group of people decided to speak out against the number of International Adoptions coming out of South Korea thousands of children are now destined to be institutionalized and outcast for their entire childhood. They will not progress in the South Korean society either when they are adults because they have no family record or registration.
https://www.sbs.com.au/news/opinion-divided-on-the-merits-of-south-korean-pastor-s-baby-box
https://www.sbs.com.au/news/opinion-divided-on-the-merits-of-south-korean-pastor-s-baby-box
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-30692127
My own experience as an adoptee from South Korea has left me with very strong feelings on this. It is this type of examination of my life and the how it has shaped how I see things that I would like to continue to write about. My next entry will be about the first 5 years of my life. I know you are excited...
Monday, January 2, 2017
The middle of the road...
Funny - there are people that are surprised by my thoughts. Apparently - they assumed I was a right wing fundamental Christian. They were not rude or insulting, they just did not realize that I am a humanitarian. It's ok if you don't agree with me - I welcome free thought and free speech...I am grateful that the people who don't think like me can also voice their opinions. What I am not ok with is people making assumptions about me based on my religion or political affiliation. You cannot tell who I am just by me checking a box that says "Methodist" or "Independent". We are living beings with more compelling thoughts and emotions than you can shove into a stereotype.
#1 - I go to Church and am proud to announce that I am a Christian and to be more exact a Methodist. This does not make me an extremist or a fundamentalist. This also does not mean that because I am not a fundamentalist that I am not a real Christian. I believe that fundamentalists are the ones that are TRULY not Christ like and it saddens me that they have tainted Christianity. The irony is that the fundamentalist think the same thing about people like me. Fundamentalism or Extremism in any religion takes away from what the core values are set out for. I believe that being a Christian means striving to be Christ like...which means being loving, compassionate, forgiving, and charitable.
#2 - I was a registered Republican for YEARS and two years ago became an Independent. In fact years back I wrote a blog post about being a Conservative Republican. It is a very telling post about my life and views at the time. It is also witness to how people can change. My views were more jaded then as I hadn't been out of the hell my former life had been for that long. The further my life moves away from that - the more my heart opens up to the human experience and the desire to help others.
http://koreanawareness.blogspot.com/2011/04/why-im-conservative.html
I am amused about the responses I get from both sides. Republicans think that I must be jumping to the left and Democrats think that I must be running from the right...neither is true. I don't want to be too far to the left or right...which is why I changed my affiliation. People like to criticize the middle of the road people like me, but you really shouldn't because we make up a much bigger population than the far right or far left. The difference is we don't speak up in the ways that the extremists do. I have found that I am an exception...me standing here in the middle of the road yelling at both sides...that doesn't happen much. I am a fiscal conservative (except where public education is concerned) and a social liberal. Sometimes it contradicts itself and that is ok with me...because life is not black and white. Human nature contradicts itself...and I don't find anything wrong with wanting to find balance in this world.
http://koreanawareness.blogspot.com/2011/04/why-im-conservative.html
I am amused about the responses I get from both sides. Republicans think that I must be jumping to the left and Democrats think that I must be running from the right...neither is true. I don't want to be too far to the left or right...which is why I changed my affiliation. People like to criticize the middle of the road people like me, but you really shouldn't because we make up a much bigger population than the far right or far left. The difference is we don't speak up in the ways that the extremists do. I have found that I am an exception...me standing here in the middle of the road yelling at both sides...that doesn't happen much. I am a fiscal conservative (except where public education is concerned) and a social liberal. Sometimes it contradicts itself and that is ok with me...because life is not black and white. Human nature contradicts itself...and I don't find anything wrong with wanting to find balance in this world.
I could go on and on about how middle of the road I am. About how I am a centrist. I could give example upon example of my opinion on welfare, healthcare, equality, etc...but I will tell you that it will all take me right back to being in the middle. I can't help that I can see both sides of an issue and sometimes I look at it more conservatively and sometimes I look at it more liberally. I am not sorry that I believe that everything should be looked at with an open mind and it's ok if certain situations sometimes close you down a bit more or others open you up a bit more. This is life and you CANNOT honestly believe that EVERYTHING is black and white. You cannot live a real life only seeing two options constantly. That is not real life and that is not realistic. Life is compromise. Life is happiness with sadness - not just happiness or just sadness. Life is celebration with tragedy. Not, just celebration or just tragedy. It just doesn't work that way. So why must people insist that you can only be left or right. Why are you the enemy if you are not left or right. How can anyone claim to want too do what is right for this country, but they cannot bring themselves to compromise with others.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Asian identity...to a 12 year old.
My friend posted this article the other day and it definitely struck me.
http://hyphenmagazine.com/blog/2014/7/22/why-mixed-white-isnt-white
I have been told my entire life that I am just as "white" as all my "white" friends. That is a completely false statement. I am American and culturally I am 100% western, but I am not "white". I was adopted by a Military American couple and have been raised in an 100% western culture. That does not make me "white"...it makes me a western American. My cultural background does not change my race or genetics. I know...I've had my DNA analyzed. I am 99.8% Asian and even in that spectrum I am only 50.2% Korean. Most Korean's have Japanese and Chinese composition...which makes sense since Korea was inhabited by both races for very long periods of time. I am 28.4% Japanese and 13.5% Chinese and I even have some Mongolian in there. I am also .01% European.
Being a Korean American adoptee does not in any way change that I am a westerner by culture. Being a westerner does not in any way mean that I am "white" and that I am not Asian. There were many Korean orphans that were adopted internationally. There are many in Europe and culturally they are European and not Western American...and still that does not change their race.
I do joke and tell people that I am only Korean on the outside. And again...that is a cultural reference. We all know that "white" is just a cultural term used to describe people that are generally European descent and who do not show typical mixed race characteristics.
As my 12 year old is getting older...she is more firm regarding her identity. My daughter who is 50.1% European and 49.9% Asian tells me regularly that she thinks that she looks "white". If you have seen my page you have seen her pictures. She looks mixed, but I feel that there is no denying that she is Asian. She does not want to look "Asian" and that stuns me. Her concept of being a Western American incorporates the ideal that she would rather identify as "white" rather than Korean. We live in a rural area and she has attended the same school for 8 years. She has a diverse group of friends, but ironically the only two other Asian girls that she knows at her school...were adopted by American families. She thankfully hasn't been subjected to anything overtly racist that I know of. She doesn't have any negative connotations about being Asian. She just sees being "white" as her desired race. When we got her DNA results back (her biological father was adopted also - so I was very curious as to her genetics) she turned to me, after seeing that she is .2% more European than Asian, and said, "See, I told you I look white."
Perhaps I cling more to my Korean identity as an adult because I was adopted and I stuck out in my "white" family. As an adult I have learned that it is ok to be proud of your culture and of your race...even if they are not the same. I was teased as a child for being Asian. All the the stereotypical taunts that you hear about...they are exactly what I heard...and are also what many Asian kids heard growing up. It was even stranger for me to comprehend because I was part of an Irish-Italian family. As I grew up the same ignorant types of people still say the same ignorant types of things..."Your English is so good", "Your parents must have been really strict", "How long have you been here?"...and my answer to these questions has always been centered around the fact that I was adopted by Americans. That has just been my go too answer. The truth is that there are millions of Asians in America that weren't adopted, but whose families have been in this country for multiple generations and they are Americans. That is why their "English is good". They were American citizens when their families were interned during WWII. They were American citizens when other Americans were taunting them for being gooks during the Korean & Vietnam wars and they are still Americans today...they just aren't "White" Americans.
Thankfully, I don't believe that my daughter has experienced that. If she had then I would see more of a correlation to wanting to be identified as white...which only leaves me to believe that she also doesn't understand that relating 100% to western culture and not Asian culture does not change her race. I realize now, that I need to teach her more about culture and race. I realize that I need to teach her that our culture has mistreated other races and mixed races for generations. I realize that I need to teach her that wanting to be "white" can have bad connotations and that many people in this country are still not accepting of other races wanting to be like "white" people. I realize that I need to teach her that racism still exists - no matter how strong she feels about being an American and how absorbed she is in Western Culture...one day she will experience true racism.
I have experienced the "white" privilege effect first hand...my mixed race daughter tells me she looks white. She does not want to be known as Korean or American or even Asian American...she just wants to say that she is "White"...
http://hyphenmagazine.com/blog/2014/7/22/why-mixed-white-isnt-white
I have been told my entire life that I am just as "white" as all my "white" friends. That is a completely false statement. I am American and culturally I am 100% western, but I am not "white". I was adopted by a Military American couple and have been raised in an 100% western culture. That does not make me "white"...it makes me a western American. My cultural background does not change my race or genetics. I know...I've had my DNA analyzed. I am 99.8% Asian and even in that spectrum I am only 50.2% Korean. Most Korean's have Japanese and Chinese composition...which makes sense since Korea was inhabited by both races for very long periods of time. I am 28.4% Japanese and 13.5% Chinese and I even have some Mongolian in there. I am also .01% European.
Being a Korean American adoptee does not in any way change that I am a westerner by culture. Being a westerner does not in any way mean that I am "white" and that I am not Asian. There were many Korean orphans that were adopted internationally. There are many in Europe and culturally they are European and not Western American...and still that does not change their race.
I do joke and tell people that I am only Korean on the outside. And again...that is a cultural reference. We all know that "white" is just a cultural term used to describe people that are generally European descent and who do not show typical mixed race characteristics.
As my 12 year old is getting older...she is more firm regarding her identity. My daughter who is 50.1% European and 49.9% Asian tells me regularly that she thinks that she looks "white". If you have seen my page you have seen her pictures. She looks mixed, but I feel that there is no denying that she is Asian. She does not want to look "Asian" and that stuns me. Her concept of being a Western American incorporates the ideal that she would rather identify as "white" rather than Korean. We live in a rural area and she has attended the same school for 8 years. She has a diverse group of friends, but ironically the only two other Asian girls that she knows at her school...were adopted by American families. She thankfully hasn't been subjected to anything overtly racist that I know of. She doesn't have any negative connotations about being Asian. She just sees being "white" as her desired race. When we got her DNA results back (her biological father was adopted also - so I was very curious as to her genetics) she turned to me, after seeing that she is .2% more European than Asian, and said, "See, I told you I look white."
Perhaps I cling more to my Korean identity as an adult because I was adopted and I stuck out in my "white" family. As an adult I have learned that it is ok to be proud of your culture and of your race...even if they are not the same. I was teased as a child for being Asian. All the the stereotypical taunts that you hear about...they are exactly what I heard...and are also what many Asian kids heard growing up. It was even stranger for me to comprehend because I was part of an Irish-Italian family. As I grew up the same ignorant types of people still say the same ignorant types of things..."Your English is so good", "Your parents must have been really strict", "How long have you been here?"...and my answer to these questions has always been centered around the fact that I was adopted by Americans. That has just been my go too answer. The truth is that there are millions of Asians in America that weren't adopted, but whose families have been in this country for multiple generations and they are Americans. That is why their "English is good". They were American citizens when their families were interned during WWII. They were American citizens when other Americans were taunting them for being gooks during the Korean & Vietnam wars and they are still Americans today...they just aren't "White" Americans.
Thankfully, I don't believe that my daughter has experienced that. If she had then I would see more of a correlation to wanting to be identified as white...which only leaves me to believe that she also doesn't understand that relating 100% to western culture and not Asian culture does not change her race. I realize now, that I need to teach her more about culture and race. I realize that I need to teach her that our culture has mistreated other races and mixed races for generations. I realize that I need to teach her that wanting to be "white" can have bad connotations and that many people in this country are still not accepting of other races wanting to be like "white" people. I realize that I need to teach her that racism still exists - no matter how strong she feels about being an American and how absorbed she is in Western Culture...one day she will experience true racism.
I have experienced the "white" privilege effect first hand...my mixed race daughter tells me she looks white. She does not want to be known as Korean or American or even Asian American...she just wants to say that she is "White"...
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
To refugee or not to refugee...
Ok - I am going to post my OPINION on the current state of affairs regarding refugees. I sincerely believe and want to convey that my opinion on refugees does not take away from the love that I have for my country, my respect for all the women and men who serve our country in the present, those who will serve in the future and those who have served in the past. I was brought to this country by American Citizens who adopted me from a country that DID NOT want me...and do not be mistaken...domestic adoption in Korea is still very much looked down upon and orphans are still outcasts of society...43 years after my birth the country has progressed very little regarding orphans and adoption. I was naturalized because back then you did not become a citizen automatically...even after being adopted by a Military American family. I know what it is truly like to have been saved and brought to America. I have been blessed with the gifts of freedom that being an American Citizen has afforded me and as such I am able to post this.
History has shown us over and over again that oppressive states, countries, and governments have no respect for human rights or humanity on a whole. ISIS and the Muslim extremists are not a new revelation in the world - hate has been abundant in this world for centuries and as such discrimination has as well. And for as long as there has been hate there have been people who have suffered at the hands of those who hate them. For as long as there has been hate there have been people fleeing from that wrath. Whether you are looking at an entire country faced with genocide or you are the bullied kid beaten up on the playground-your natural inclination is to flee. If you don't flee then you turn to your next inclination which is to fight. So your country turns to war or you become the next kid to beat someone up. In these situations there is always fallout. There are always innocent people who become the casualties of war. What do you do with these people? What do you do with the people who are being persecuted and fleeing from their country. Do you turn to hate as well and discard the fact that they are human beings trying to survive? Do you become just as hateful and self centered as the fanatics that are chasing them from their country? Or do you call upon decency and understanding to not punish thousands for the sins of a few?
Now I know that last statement is a loaded statement. The argument is that terrorists are embedding themselves in and posing as refugees. There is no doubt, after Paris, that this is happening. Some have the ideal that the sins of a few will lead to more attacks and more innocent lives lost. Is that a wager that we should make...the potential for another hidden terrorist among thousands of innocents...the potential for that one hidden man to cause another attack that will kill more innocent people. The truth is that so many innocent lives have already been lost. We have lost more people during the war in the Middle East than were lost during 9/11 - is that a compromise that we wanted to make - HELL NO it's not, but that is the truth of war. There is no golden compromise - there are no guarantees and there are no correct answers. EVERYTHING has a risk. Going to war was a risk and people paid the ultimate price. Taking in refugees is a risk. Being a decent human being is a risk - but the reward outweighs the risk. Teaching people and being a decent human being is the example that we all should set. Thinking of others before ourselves and the golden rule, treat others as you would want to be treated, is how we should live.
People are talking about how so many Syrian refugees are Military Aged men. So what happens to them if they stay in Syria or the Middle East. How many of those men will then be turned, either out of fear, hate, or just to survive and become the terrorists that we want to get rid of. How many boys in Sudan, the Congo, Rwanda, and so many other countries became soldiers just to survive, after their countries were torn apart, and they had to watch their families be massacred with machetes? How many of those military aged men will fall victim to the abhorrent amount of extremist propaganda spewed out by ISIS? How many of these men have left the country to flee from that? How many of these men will we take in and...wait for it...not allow ISIS to turn them into western hating terrorists or how many will we save from beheading because of their Christian beliefs. I am not an expert on the Middle East. Many people I know are more versed in this subject and the military, but I would have to say that the recruiting effort of extremist groups like ISIS is pretty heavy and very manipulative. I don’t think they just knock on doors and hand out flyers. So why do we want to leave all these Military Aged men subject to their manipulation, propaganda, and coercion? Do we want to leave them and give ISIS even more ammunition to use to show how horrible we in the west are? How many people thought that joining Hitler was a good idea? How many young boys did he manipulate and coerce? How many people tried to flee during that time? What did Hitler do - he closed the borders because he wanted to be able to manipulate as many people as he could and kill anyone who disagreed.
How many people in the United States today have immigrants in their families? How many people's descendants fled from oppression somewhere and came to this country? How many of those people turned into criminals, murderers? Many of them did...how many of them became an asset to this country...many more than were a deterrent. My mom's family came directly from Palermo, Sicily with many other Italian immigrants - how many of them turned to crime and became mobsters or were already mobsters when they came over? I would say there was a pretty large population of criminals. How many people came over from Ireland to escape famine and discrimination from the English - only to kill people in the United States. The murder rate per 100,000 was the same in the 1920's-1930's as it is right now. It dropped for quite a few decades and then came soaring back up in the 2000's. I realize that terrorism is on a different level than domestic crime...but the gist is that there is always risk when taking people in. Statistically the good outweighs the bad. This country has become what it is today on the back of immigrants and refugees.
In the past our country has also taken it upon themselves to lock up immigrants and turn away refugees. The Japanese during WWII - most had nothing to do with the war, but all we saw was the hate for the Japanese and so we interned 120,000 of them and 65% of them were American Citizens. After WWII the US was asked to take in Jewish refugees and you know what - the majority of the country didn't want to. We turned away a ship full of Jewish refugees that arrived in Florida after WWII. We will come over there and fight against your enemy, liberate the concentration camps, but then we will turn you away...sound familiar. Our country is no stranger to turning people away and making villains out of the ones who are already here in times of crisis. We should have learned from our past.
I don't agree that we should turn away any refugee that is truly being persecuted in their country. We are not just supposed to be fighting terrorism. We are supposed to be helping liberate a population of people in the Middle East. We were supposed to be helping them re-establish government and give them a chance at a less persecuted life. How are we helping by turning them away. We went in there to help and is it right to just give up on the people. Are we only there to bomb and attack the enemy with no regard for the civilians. I don't believe that we are and I don't believe that the men and women serving feel that way. I think that the vile acts committed by terrorists just take over people's judgement and we let go of the humanity that we should be looking too. An eye for an eye only leaves both sides blinded. It is not right to lump all the refugees together under the category of the despots who have committed these heinous acts. Just as it wasn't right for Hitler to exterminate millions of people, or for the genocide in Rwanda to take place, or the way that we interned the Japanese, or the way we enslaved a race of people for centuries. There is nothing that is right about punishing innocents for the crimes of others or as in many of the examples listed...just because they are different than you.
And why if we want to help other countries are we only taking a stand in the Middle East...we all know why - MONEY!! We allow millions of other people to suffer in other countries that have no monetary effect on us. We have allowed North Korea to obliterate their own population from within with the most extreme case of isolation and totalitarianism and do nothing, because that is not a country that will give us any monetary gain. We allow wars in Africa to rage on and complete genocide to befall countries because they have nothing for us. It disgusts me to think of the people that we ignore. And the ones we choose to fight we then then disregard the casualties from those fights. And when I say disregard I incorporate our soldiers as well. The men and women who return home broken and damaged...from all of our wars. In WWI & WWII you just had shell shock and were written off, in Vietnam you were spit on when you came home, and now PTSD is claiming the lives of our veterans left and right...and yet we still turn to hate and abandonment as the answer. It is not the answer. We should not turn our backs on our soldiers or these refugees...
There is not much more room in our world for hate...it is seeping out everywhere...domestically and internationally. Racism, sexism, bigotry, religious persecution, political warfare, xenophobia, and just an overall disregard for humanity. The ridiculous back and forth between conservatives and liberals is just as much a platform for hate as well. We don't all want to take your f'ing sides. And just because someone doesn't agree with you or has different beliefs doesn't make them less of a person. I have heard it from both sides - just a constant barrage of insults and disregard for humanity. Both sides are just as guilty and can be just as ugly as the other. Don't tell me that you want to help someone and then turn your back on someone because they have a different political affiliation as you. I know the end of this post has turned into an everyone should just love one another rant. I am not naive and have no illusions about the state of the world or humanity as a whole. I just know that I am a loving Christian - I am not a fundamentalist and I believe that being a decent human being is what is expected of me and it is what makes me feel good. It gives me hope for my children and it allows me to sleep at night.
Judging an entire group of people based on the actions of extremist militants that have no regard for human life is only going to lead to more suffering. Society has cast out others for far to long based on their color, race, religion, sexual orientation, etc... In western society we have taken that even a step further judging and casting out people based on their income, social status, job, home, or even things as petty as the kind of music you listen too. These are all forms of hatred that blind us to how we should treat each other. Do we want to let the bad guys bully us into becoming just like them - extremists that are tolerant of no one else?
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Caitlyn...you're not like the rest...
I saw the sneak peak of the Vanity Fair issue with Caitlyn Jenner on the cover today. While she is outrageously stunning and amazingly looks years younger than Bruce, I have issues with Caitlyn becoming a role model/spokesman for the Trans community. I have no issues with her coming out...but c'mon...there is not one part of Bruce's transformation to Caitlyn that is on the level with what most Trans people go through. I don't doubt that Bruce lived a lie for years, and there was turmoil...however, in the midst of that turmoil he had a very large loving family, millions and millions of dollars and a huge celebrity status. He has children from 3 marriages, has experienced loving relationships as a man, and is now receiving a whole world of support from family, loved ones, and friends as Caitlyn. Bruce had even expressed that while the participation in sports was a way to run away from the feelings inside...he still enjoyed participating in sports and was proud to represent the country as an Olympian. I don't think he suffered life debilitating suicidal depression, was shunned by all his loved ones, was bullied, mocked or abused. He didn't have to struggle to save for any surgeries, therapy, hormones, or anything else that helped him transition. I commend Caitlyn for coming out and agree that she should live how she has always felt. And yes, by all means, be a celebrity advocate for the Trans community...however, I hope that she doesn't ever try to say that she's been where the majority of Trans people have been. There are so many people in the Trans community that are living the life they should live as the woman or the man they are inside...yet they didn't get to come out on Vanity Fair in a dress that most people couldn't afford. They didn't have professionals to do their hair and make up and they certainly didn't have Annie Leibovitz taking their picture. They have lived through years of self doubt, bullying, abuse, and depression with no support from anyone. While I am sure that Caitlyn did experience many of the same emotional battles...she hasn't suffered the ridicule and shaming that many do. They have spent much of their life feeling alone and many that do finally come out as who they truly are are cast out by their families and face a barrage of abuse that leads to suicide. Many are teens with zero help. The struggle for the Trans community and the LGBT community has been long, difficult, and they are still miles away from being accepted the way that they should. I don't want to diminish anyone's Trans journey - I just don't know if many people in the Trans community could ever have the experience that Caitlyn is having.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Greyhound...
My son's best friend...the other Josh, has been on a journey for the past few months. You can see what it is about in his blog:
http://www.bindled.com/
He has been some interesting places, but currently he is on a three day Greyhound bus trip from Ottawa to Vancouver. He has been able to post updates on facebook fairly frequently and I have found it to be quite amusing. I asked him if I could share with everyone and he agreed.
He has about 20 more hours on the bus...
http://www.bindled.com/
He has been some interesting places, but currently he is on a three day Greyhound bus trip from Ottawa to Vancouver. He has been able to post updates on facebook fairly frequently and I have found it to be quite amusing. I asked him if I could share with everyone and he agreed.
He has about 20 more hours on the bus...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)