OK...so my personal life is about to be opened up in a courtroom. I am taking my ex to court and he and his mother have made it very clear that they are out to drag me through the mud. My initial reaction was fear of having to rehash my past, but then it occurred to me that there is nothing in my past that I am scared of. Am I looking forward to revisiting the many bad decisions and self destructive life that I lived...no...but I am not that person anymore and I am stronger because of it. Also I am doing this to ensure my daughter has balance and safety in her life at all times. I find it very ironic that his mother seems to think that this is all about me trying to control her son. Besides looking out for my daughter, I am also doing this so that I don't have to deal my ex anymore. Once visitation is established through the court I won't have to deal with him threatening me because he didn't get his way.
I am not posting this to go on about my ex though...I am posting this for me. I took down my old facebook and I had blocked my blog because I was worried about him trying to use something against me and then I realized...I'm not doing anything wrong. Regardless of what I do...he will probably find some truth to twist either way. Why should I hide? So I am not...I did remove one post...because it was a word for word transcription of the events that led up to me filing court papers. Somethings are better left private. He was mean and nasty and I reciprocated the same way. The difference is that when I am mean it is me just giving the plain cold hard truth that usually burns when you hear it and when he is mean it is just cruel, hateful rhetoric with threatening violent innuendos thrown in.
Looking at the past is a cleansing for me and if I have to endure their ugliness to ensure that I am doing what is best for my daughter than I will. I have a beautiful supportive family, I have loving and supportive friends, and I am blessed to work with people that are like a second family too me...and they all remind me everyday that I don't need to fear my past.
*BIG HUGE TIGHT HUG*
ReplyDeleteI am SOOOO proud of you! I've had several battles with the ex that, fortunately, I was able to resolve without having to rehash in a courtroom - but I did have to figuratively punch back REALLY hard, and hit where it hurts, to get him to stop the bullshit. It's SO not in my nature to be like that, but you know? After enough years of dealing with it, it's not *anger* that drives it. It's being fed the hell up with THEIR pure, unadulterated bullshit.
No matter how dark a past, a life changed for the better shines like a beacon. No matter how deeply a secret is hidden, that beacon spotlights automatically, because the truth WILL out....in the end. They want to play games? Let 'em. *nod*
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